the love affair.

dreams.

Thu, 26 Jul 2012 04:34:26 -0400

Everything is safe which we have committed to Him, and nothing is really safe which is not really committed. …tozer

A rainy day. Well pouring rain…no one here goes out in the rain..it smells bad :( and the old wives tale that it makes you sick…which I dont doubt… But yes..anyway..I’m thinking of my dreams..what do I want to do..where…how..when…these silly hearts desires..that I feel as though they could never happen…thinking too much… These are all terrible sentences that are mostly just thoughts. Yet, is anything really complete except our Lord. All these dreams, desires, prayers…I have to resurrender. They are not from me, and not for me, but from Jesus and meant to ONLY glorify Christs name…
None of these dreams could happen in my own strength or power. None of them are safe or possible or will amount to anything on my own. .. So AW Tozer smacks me in the face again…
”everything is safe which we have committed to Him, and nothing is really safe which is not really committed.”
Have I committed my plans, dreams, ideas, actions, days, thoughts, tears to Him who is the giver and protector and orchestrator of all? Well now I once again have to go create a surrender list. He has got it all figured out and taken care of :) no pressure.

....

Mon, 16 Jul 2012 01:20:34 -0400

Two nights in a row i have passed broken people sitting on the stairs of this bridge…key word passed… As i passed i was nudged by the Spirit to stop and didnt…this morning i was very humbled.
Reading through 1 John i paused at 2:6…”whoever claims to live in Him must walk as Jesus did.” I paused…thinking..how did Jesus live..yes we have like four books telling us about his life..yet what and how did he walk…I made a little list :)
Humbly…in total reliance on the Father…in love…with the broken…taking alone time…complete knowledge of who He was…boldly..trusting….and so many more…yet do I always walk like this..the Lord then nudged me to Isaiah 58.. Discussing fasting..and that it is not just a day but a life lived …”is this the kind of fasting I have chosen? One day for a man to humble himself?!” then Isaiah continues to list what fasting looks like…and no this is not ONE day acceptable to the Lord. It is a life surrendered. Verses 6-10 declare a life lived of fasting,..and then i was like…wow living out each one of these requires the list and more of how Jesus lived…reliance on the Father…love…humility…grace…identity…boldness..trust.
Completely humbled. Lord teach me to walk as you did and still do through your Beloved.

”the man who has God for his treasure has all things in One…

O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need of further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, that so I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, “Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.” Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.” AW Tozer

Life.

Sun, 15 Jul 2012 05:13:36 -0400

Well it’s been almost three days and I feel like I have a new home. God is good.. I live in a tiny one room one bed apartment with a precious Pilipino girl named Heide. She is about 5 feet tall :) it has been so awesome getting to know all of the staff…American..Thai …Pilipino…hands nd feet of Jesus.

worship this morning was done in Thai, yet some of the songs are ones that I know …hence it is fun to hear worship in English and Thai mixed :) the church here is smaller but sooooo loving and joyful. They have hearts that live the greatest commandment..love God with all your heart mind and soul..and secondly love your neighbor as yourself.

We had our teachers meeting today and it was so fun.. Most of the Thai teachers came to know the Lord through taking classes here :) im nervous yet sooo excited to meet the students. I will be working with level one, which can range from high school to adults. Yep..nervous but so humbled and honored to share the love that has been poured out on me. I keep crying..surprise!
Prayer would be appreciated for my students and Jesus to speak louder than my silly nerves.. :)

Redeeming love has been my theme and shall be till I die…

For His Name.

Wed, 11 Jul 2012 17:04:45 -0400

Sitting here at the airport ready to head out for a month to Bangkok, I am humbled, and in awe of the God we serve. Coming to rapid in the beginning of June I had no money, no way to make money, and the only plan that the Lord wanted me in Thailand in July. Well here I am shocked and humbled by how great of a Dad we have. I’m almost embarrassed that I am shocked because iT just shows my little faith…but He is good and is not limited by my finite mind. Praise Jesus :)
When the Lord originally put Thailand in my path…I was scared..my mom had told me she was praying 2 Kings 4 recently.. And it become what I was praying…
The widow leaned and relied on first of all the Lord and through that the body of Christ…she did not hesitate to step out and humbly ask for help..knowing and trusting Gods provision. Guess what? He provided. Just the right amount that she needed. He is pretty amazing…
So here I go..once again in awe of Christ and His body of which I am honored to be a part of. I’m nervous…excited..and ready to let Jesus love through me and teach me sooooooo much.

All of me for Christ sakes and His glory.

KARENS FUNDS

Sat, 21 Apr 2012 19:33:00 -0400

KARENS FUNDS:

Thailand! aahh here it comes! I am so excited and just blessed! This is something that can only be happening because of JESUS. Not my plans at all! I am so excited to serve Him in anyway that I can, and this summer, He is leading me to Bangkok, Thailand. :) Wow. Every time I say that I am shocked all over again. I am raising 3,000 dollars. I am excited to continue to walk in faith and see Him move!

If you would like to support me financially you can click the BOLD link labeled KAREN’S FUNDS at the top of this page. This will take you to a secure place to give online. If you would like to send money, I have included Rimrock Church’s address. Checks can be made out to Karen Balsley.

Rimrock Church, 12200 West Highway 44, Rapid City, SD 57702

Blessings :)

(you do not have to create a paypal account to use this site)

these are His eyes.

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 00:30:09 -0400

these are His eyes.

desires.

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 00:28:53 -0400

delight yourselves in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. psalm 37

what do we put in as the desires of our hearts? what desires do what tack the Lord’s name onto just so we can follow the flesh? not just we, but me.

ultimate desire of heart = to know God = to love God = to desire what He wants = glorify Him = love the broken = be broke according to this world

well yes. and then these desires, how do i know it’s from Him? for the past while, well couple years, every time i see broken children, of any color.size.age. i cry. my heart looongs to tell them Jesus loves them. to share the love he has lavished on me. now every time i even hear words spoken about broken hurting children i cry.

His timing. that is what i am clinging to. He has a plan and he has for some weird way included me as this minuscule detail of this masssssive huge glorious plan, of which i am the tiniest piece of a million piece puzzle, and am not even an edge piece. but wow. honored to be in that puzzle. i cannot try and figure it out there is no way i can see the aerial view needed to make it work. so i give up. he is enough for my tomorrow. i know He loves me and has created me to use me for His glory, as an empty vessel to pour His love out.

my desire to know Him = His desire to love and use me.

the cost.

Fri, 13 Apr 2012 16:12:09 -0400

someone recently said to me, “i just want it to go back to how it was before all this; it was so easy.” i haven’t stopped thinking about it. yes life before knowing Jesus was easy. following Him comes at a cost. as His beloved, His disciples, we have the same call that he called peter, james, john, paul, and so many others to. luke 14:25-33. in His life he expected nothing less than everything from his followers. their earthly desires, dreams, families, jobs, and homes were what he asked for in return for following him. wow. what has he changed for us today? or is it us that have changed the standards?

it is not easy. it is not lazy. it is not cultural. it is going against our flesh. walking in boldness. living a life that is not our own. yes the “…My yoke is easy, and My burden is light” (matthew 11:30) walking with him and for him, knowing that “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” (isaiah 30:21) He is holding my hand. he is my family. he is my husband. he is my future and my wealth. he is my joy and peace in the midst of chaos.

therefore i will walk. yes, stumbling at times, but knowing that i am His. the life he has called me to is to give to him all of me. yet. he deserves no less.

.i am my beloveds. and he is mine.

being.

Sun, 22 Jan 2012 00:36:09 -0500

why is it so hard to just be? i feel as though i have realized how important it is to do, in order to be. not just do, but do FOR God. it’s pretty pathetic. calling all martha’s, stop. yes, i’m speaking to myself, and through speaking am crying out to Jesus to teach me to be a mary. not just teach, but, show, encourage, help, force.

Mary moved Jesus. she spoke right into His heart with her tears and her sitting at his feet. i have been created to bring glory to the Most High GOD by knowing Him, loving Him, listening to Him, hanging out with Him, and letting HIM overflow. not me. the mystery of loving God, is kind of a side tangent, but He is soo huge that even love i give him is not enough. we have to even let HIM love HIMSELF through us!! wow. humbling. but refreshing.

therefore, i will know God. i will be with Him. i will sit with Him. i will listen. i will embrace silence. i will delight in Him forever, which brings Him the most glory. yep. i will.

He thinks me more beautiful than this.

Tue, 03 Jan 2012 00:03:57 -0500

He thinks me more beautiful than this.

new years.

Tue, 03 Jan 2012 00:01:50 -0500

how dumb are new years resolutions. pretty dumb. they seem to stem simply from deficiencies or abundances that shouldn’t be in our flesh. setting up these “laws”? if i may, guarantee failure. instead of concentrating on our failures and fixing them on our own, why not attempt to understand the love that Jesus has for us. how he created us to be in relationship, and fixing ourselves on our own is not a good plan and not possible.

three parts - body, soul, mind. when setting out to fix the body without understanding the perfection of the soul through Christ, and without the steadfastness of the mind, we are doomed.

resolve to know this

1. KNOW God loves you.

2. I am powerless to do good on my own — God alone is Good.

3. To know the voice of God and to know Him…this comes through pray and searching out his Word.

it’s a new year. i’m checking my new years resolution and where my heart is. do i want to fix this flesh crap on my own, or live daily knowing that it was crucified, and the righteousness that Christ imputed to me is final. Jesus, help my mind to accept the beauty of my soul, and my body to reflect it in my everyday actions.

Photo

Thu, 08 Dec 2011 15:15:59 -0500

surrender.

Thu, 08 Dec 2011 15:12:41 -0500

i hold my hands open to Jesus all the time, yet sometimes i realize that i have super-glued that “surrendered” thing into my hands. crap. Jesus, the gentle daddy that he is, looks at me, says “thank you soo much karen for opening your hands up, now it’s gonna hurt a little bit for me to get this thing out of here, but i care so much more about you and this “surrendered thing” than you ever can, and my plans are so much better, i promise. this is gonna hurt, and there is going to be a healing time, because torn skin hurts, but healing comes and takes time. i promise i make all things new. i promise healing is in my hands, i promise that you are doing a really good job. now just continue to keep your hands open, and i got the rest covered. i love you so much”

this happens a lot. the things i most want and need to surrender i have super glued into my wide open hands. crap. but my Papa knows that it needs to be his so gently, ever so gently takes it out of my hands, and teaches me to let my hands heal.

this healing affects every part of my life, just as a movement of any finger moves the skin on the center of my hand, but all in all, wow, he is a great healer.

coming to Jesus with my surrendered hands, i know that he is not mad or angry, but saying come lean against me while this heals, whichever way you go, whether to the left or the right, I AM there whispering in your ear which way to go. trust me. surrender to me. let me show you things you never imagined, let me love you deeper than you have ever been loved.

so here i stand, in this little stream of his water, dancing. he says the more you surrender the more water, with much light comes much responsibility. he wants to give. :)

Infinity speaks.

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 16:05:56 -0500

when the night is dark and my nerves are shattered;

when the waves break over the side.

when my strength is gone, and the darkness just gets darker, i will look into Your eyes.

Infinity Speaks. God Almighty shares the depths of his feelings for me.

Infinity Speaks. God Almighty shares his love for me.

i will stand on this deck and stand with arms wide open wide to the truth of my Belovedness.

i will be caught up in this reckless raging fury He calls love.

Photo

Sun, 20 Nov 2011 21:52:11 -0500

fear.

Sun, 20 Nov 2011 21:51:26 -0500

fear is a powerful thing. it affects every area of our life whether we admit it or not. i have learned to start admitting it. speaking out fears to others, whatever they may be, releases them and takes away satan’s power to use them against us. hiding them, surrenders control to the devil.

faith or fear. little fears are just as big as big scary fears. little fears are the ones that we don’t say, that are ingrained in us, ignited by broken identities and not knowing who we truly are. choosing faith over fear means trusting Jesus knows. trusting that he can handle our fears. that he has already been there and loves us in our fears.

as believers we are sons and daughters of a KING. i have lived as a pauper for a lot of my life. letting little fears tell me that no one would ever want to marry me, that He will cant provide, and that i simply am not pretty. these are fears rooted in torn identity. they are false. lies that i have kept inside and have grown because i have let them. i have not spoken them out as fears and lies.

speak out fears, live in faith, and let Him be in control and tell you who you are.

His beloved. wake up to His love. there is no fear, just simple freedom from fear.

“my love is a light driving away all of your fear. so don’t be afraid, remember i made a promise to keep you safe.”

brokenness.

Fri, 18 Nov 2011 17:27:00 -0500

well, i decided to start blogging; not that i have time to blog, or really feel as if anything i say makes sense, but we will see what Abba can do through me in a blog. honestly, i have never wanted to write for others to read, just journal to Jesus, so i want to just share my heart in a weird way. not tell you about my days, or the latest cool idea, or even mention politics, but just share the Jesus in me.

for starters, i am in a rather different place in my life than i have ever been. this is not bad, not expected, but right where i’m supposed to be. Jesus is teaching me brokenness. brokenness consists of humility, tears, truth (or confronting lies), and the scariest of all, vulnerability.

i am in a desert. this was shared to me by a dear friend, a male, in whom i did not want to share any part of my life that was not good with. in all my pride i went to meet with him about all the important things i needed to say about this and that. i had a list nicely organized in my head and got to his room and listed off quite nicely what i had rehearsed. he listened. his first words were “so karen, what is really going on in your life?” i was broken. i shared all these things i had been struggling with, what Jesus had been teaching me, and how afraid i was. i am in a desert. i am a formless and empty earth (gen. 1:2) in which the Holy Spirit is hovering and forming and molding. i am in the best place.

this is not a bad thing, but something i am in a love/hate relationship with. humbled yet joyful. thanks Papa.

“you are discovering what it means to be poor in spirit. it’s ok not to be ok.” Brother Dominique Voillaume

i just read brennan mannings book, all is grace, yes i should have been doing homework, but it reminded me of the beauty of being broken, the necessity of it. a man who understood that the only thing worth anything is that “God loves us just as we are-not as we should be.”

-all is grace-